distracting.

when I'm fortunate enough, I am alone.

it only works that way.

Noise: Hurt by Johnny Cash

pangs.

When I was younger, I'd starve myself out of spite. I had less money, and thought, fine, whatever, I won't eat then.

So today when I don't eat, I feel richer. I feel empowered.

I feel like hey, at least I can control that.

It's sick, but you are wired up when you are young,
and unfortunately it's etched in your subconscious forever.

Noise: Willow's Song by Doves

unaffected by death.

"At the bottom of the Empire State Building, the body of 23 year old Evelyn McHale reposes calmly in grotesque bier, her falling body punched into the top of a limousine."

- Robert C. Miles for Life Magazine. May 1947

One morning in 1947, Evelyn leapt from the 86th floor observation deck of the Empire State Building to her immediate death. Remarkably, even after crumpling the sheet of metal and broken glass of the limousine she landed on, she shows no evidence of trauma and appears unruffled. The result is this picture taken just minutes after her death - the calm gaze in her face, crossed legs and white leather gloves allowing this picture to almost pass off as part of an 'edgy' fashion shoot.

I guess it's like what Emma Thompson's character says in Stranger Than Fiction. When you jump from a building, it's rarely the impact that actually kills you... Her face is so serene, so at peace...

And I think it's because when she died,

she could feel the wind against her face.

Noise: I Need To Give This Broken Heart Away by The Beautiful Girls

hey you.

SOMETHING AMAZING

IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN.

so just... hang on.

:)

Noise: Something Beautiful by Tracy Bonham.

they'll keep searching.

It's comforting, yet disturbing. The faces of the people around, be they friends or strangers, all have an existential hunger for meaning in life. It makes me unnaturally happy to know that they are searching because even though I am glad they want more, for some reason I suspect they won't ever be content.

On a separate note, I find that over a period of time, if I have been more introspective, it's almost like I forget how to socialize. So when I am in a big group, I have to start learning all over again.

It's tiring. I'd rather be alone.

Noise: Strangers Again by Ari Hest.

driving down the highway.

I LIKE WHERE WE ARE.

HERE.

Noise: All the Same by Sick Puppies.

Honesty.

They have said that it is hard to believe a man is telling the truth, if you would lie if you were in his position.

It's true.

Which is why it is so refreshing to believe someone, because you know you'd tell the truth too.

'Which of us is dreaming,

and who will wake up screaming?'

Noise: Parachute by Sean Lennon

It's curious to wonder...

Why bother trying to impress a world that does not care about you?

Who are you?

You are nothing.

If you died tomorrow, would the clockwork stop?

Noise: Wild World by Beth Orton

and the truth is...

... that I miss you.

x

Noise: Pagan Angel and a Borrowed Car, Iron & Wine.

Education.

I have nothing against it, but so what if you are a scholar, or have multiple degrees. It's not about what qualifications you have, but what you do with it that really counts for something.

Do you have an education, or a piece of paper?

Noise: Slave to the Wage, Placebo.

God.

I can be such an idiot sometimes. What the fuck.

I go through bouts.

True.

Stop escaping into your virtual world. It's not real.

Noise: I Go Deep by Jim Rivers.

(sigh, Nicole...)