miss you.

Oh San Francisco. I belong with you.

Noise: What A Feeling by Irene Cara :)

unsettled questions.

was life possibly better, or more bearable with the mountain spilling from under the carpet?

what do I do if I don't agree with how I'm wired?

I don't get it. why? why??

eh?

Noise: buzzzzzz.

--

status reads: is not happy.

It sucks to feel like you're not wanted.

It sucks to feel like that despite knowing that it isn't true.

but then it's assuring to know that you're always fine in your own bubble. alone.

Noise: Saturated Love by The Locust

ssshhhh.

When I listen to music, that is all I want to be able to hear. Increase the volume and watch the rest of the world pass by without noise. Just music. Shut it out.

Thank technology for good earphones.
I like being the outsider.

Noise: His Glory Appears by Hillsong

Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

I want to stop.

'How are you?'
'I'm OK'

... I'm always OK.



You were given life, isn't it about time you took it?


Noise: Again And Again by Bob Mould

moments like these.

Sometimes I get scared of how sad I can be.

Noise: Alone in Kyoto by Air
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

open up.

Noise: Are You Alright by Lucinda Williams.

distracting.

when I'm fortunate enough, I am alone.

it only works that way.

Noise: Hurt by Johnny Cash

pangs.

When I was younger, I'd starve myself out of spite. I had less money, and thought, fine, whatever, I won't eat then.

So today when I don't eat, I feel richer. I feel empowered.

I feel like hey, at least I can control that.

It's sick, but you are wired up when you are young,
and unfortunately it's etched in your subconscious forever.

Noise: Willow's Song by Doves

unaffected by death.

"At the bottom of the Empire State Building, the body of 23 year old Evelyn McHale reposes calmly in grotesque bier, her falling body punched into the top of a limousine."

- Robert C. Miles for Life Magazine. May 1947

One morning in 1947, Evelyn leapt from the 86th floor observation deck of the Empire State Building to her immediate death. Remarkably, even after crumpling the sheet of metal and broken glass of the limousine she landed on, she shows no evidence of trauma and appears unruffled. The result is this picture taken just minutes after her death - the calm gaze in her face, crossed legs and white leather gloves allowing this picture to almost pass off as part of an 'edgy' fashion shoot.

I guess it's like what Emma Thompson's character says in Stranger Than Fiction. When you jump from a building, it's rarely the impact that actually kills you... Her face is so serene, so at peace...

And I think it's because when she died,

she could feel the wind against her face.

Noise: I Need To Give This Broken Heart Away by The Beautiful Girls

hey you.

SOMETHING AMAZING

IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN.

so just... hang on.

:)

Noise: Something Beautiful by Tracy Bonham.

they'll keep searching.

It's comforting, yet disturbing. The faces of the people around, be they friends or strangers, all have an existential hunger for meaning in life. It makes me unnaturally happy to know that they are searching because even though I am glad they want more, for some reason I suspect they won't ever be content.

On a separate note, I find that over a period of time, if I have been more introspective, it's almost like I forget how to socialize. So when I am in a big group, I have to start learning all over again.

It's tiring. I'd rather be alone.

Noise: Strangers Again by Ari Hest.