press pause, please.

I am so desperate to live an interesting life. My life is worthwhile and interesting, but I just have spent so much time focusing on getting it that way that even though it's happened, I just haven't realized it because I can't remember what it was like before.

That said, even if I stop to appreciate what I have, I soon realize that sometimes I am tired and want to go home. Maybe my life was more justified when I made less of a purposeful effort; but I'm so afraid of fading into oblivion, of having nothing to show for my time here.

I am so afraid of being pointless.