Friendly grief.

I think I am just sad because I feel like I am drifting away from the ones I've known because not only are we in different points in our lives but we have different values and beliefs and unfortunately, nobody seems to know the definition or boundary of friendship and nobody wants to adhere to them even if they did know the fundamentals.

Those wasteful, uncaring scuzzballs.

In other related news, I don't think I have ever been this longing for money. Sure modeling had those peaks but surely I can survive without succumbing myself to such meaningless labour? I understand that others in my age group may not have the allowance that I get but neither are they at a point in their lives that I am in. And I have already altered my lifestyle to suit my... less than normal amount (I refuse to say 'lack') of money.
So this new found 'desperation' has given me a whole new perspective on the true 'needy'. My friends – my scavengers -, we are scavengers, but yet in reality we are only poor because we splurge on $200 jeans. Ok, I don't splurge on $200 jeans but.. the others do. I don't think we/they really realize what it is like to be poor; to have to count your coins. If anything this has taught me not to use my words so candidly. It is true that your words have power. So today I will not say that I am broke, because to be broke is something I never want to be. It's nothing to be laughed about, it's an honest desperation that will only inspire frustration, anger and disconnection between parties. And I can say that that is not a very pretty time to have to go through.

It's funny how so few actually, really, genuinely care. And it's not just the let me sit down and nod while you speak care, but the... let me try and see how I can help, or oh look there is something I can do that can help you or... that kind of care. It is so rare, and I think it is sadly dissipating. You know what friends are? Friends are people who will offer you their home when you are running away from yours. Friends are people who loan you their life savings for you to build your life. Friends are those who offer you a job when you need money.
I'm obviously trying to say something but I don't know who reads this and I don't want to be so.. well, obvious, but this vague alternative isn't exactly coming out very well either.

I should just go back to the insecure industry. Nobody succeeds at being vague there.

x

Noise: Walk In Fire, Doves

P.S. There are no pictures because 1) my camera has just fizzled out and died (I have no idea how/why), 2) Henry is enjoying life in his fancy Mayfair apartment in London (he has a concierge! like in the movies! how excellent!) so I have no motivation to be... exciting, 3) I am so consumed with school, moping around and saving money that I have no time for anything picture-worthy and 4) I don't have $700 of disposable cash to get a new camera.